My Birth Story
Preparing for Birth
I debated on sharing my birth story because it’s such a personal experience, which made me feel vulnerable. I recognize that this can be a sensitive topic, so I wanted to have a clear intention for sharing. To be honest, giving birth intimidated me. I was afraid of the unknown and the possibility of complications. It was important to me to feel confident entering motherhood, so the months leading up to birth were focused on preparing my body and mind. In sharing my story, I hope to ease fear and anxieties surrounding birth and empower future mamas to own their experience because birth is a phenomenon and beautifully unique.
Birth was a humbling experience for me, as it was, in many ways, opposite from what I envisioned. Being a curious new mom, I took the classes, read the books and listened to as many friends’ birth stories as I could to get a better idea of what to expect. I tried to learn as much as I could without getting attached to expectations. For me, the process of preparation was what empowered me to make informed decisions when it was game time. The more I learned about delivering [at a hospital], the more confident I was in advocating for my wishes and also letting go of expectations and what I could not control. I think the biggest lesson for me in preparing for birth was to embody non-attachment. In letting go of what’s out of my control, I was able to focus on being present and feel like I fully owned my experience so that in the moment I could give myself permission to let go of my fears and expectations and focused on listening to my body. I knew that in order to welcome my baby into a loving, nurturing environment I needed to be extra compassionate with myself.
Birth Plan
By my third trimester, reality had really set in…I was about to whattt?! Push a baby out of my body!? 😳 I actually did not have a birth plan until the days leading up to delivery. (btw, birth plans are not for everyone and totally not required) Tbh, I did not think much about a birth plan beyond “get baby out safely”. It wasn't until later in my pregnancy I learned that birth planning can be much more involved, so I reached out to my community of moms, doctors and doulas to develop a “birth plan” that I felt comfortable with. Knowing there are so many variables in the labor and delivery process, I intended to keep my “birth plan” simple and flexible. Most of what I was prepared to ask for in the labor room was already standard practice at the hospital or ended up not applicable to my experience anyway, but what mattered most to me was that I felt more prepared and at ease going into labor.
It’s Go Time
Two days before Jordyn’s due date I woke up with mild cramps, nothing crazy. By noon it dawned on me that these were early contractions (hi, i’m new to this), so at that point I started timing them and took a warm shower. By the afternoon, I was lying on my side tracking the contractions and calling the hospital’s labor and delivery triage while watching Waze for traffic (because of course I would go into labor during rush hour). Although my water had not broken yet, nor did I experience a “bloody show”, the intensity of contractions got to a point where I felt it was time to head for the hospital. Also, the fact that my husband brought home my favorite Erewhon dinner and I couldn’t sit down to enjoy it was a clear sign that something was not right!
An uncomfortable hour car ride later, my husband dropped me off at the entrance of labor and delivery triage while he parked the car. I rolled up a bit of a hot mess wearing my husband's oversized sweatshirt, sweatpants, and Adidas slides without identification, carrying only a tube of Aquaphor and a sugar cookie that “baby” written in icing (super random yet very important). As I paced the hallway while waiting to be called on, my pain escalated quickly. By about 8:30 pm, a nurse took me into triage and at this point I was dilated 5 cm and baby was stationed 2+ (nurse was able to see baby’s head!). The pressure was extremely intense given how low baby was at that point. Nurse offered me morphine or epidural (no wait time), but I declined and continued to focus on breathing through each contraction. I wasn’t strongly opposed to getting an epidural, I personally wanted to try to go as far as I could naturally and make the call in the moment if need be.
By the time my husband arrived, I was lying down on my side gripping on the railing of the hospital bed for dear life every time a contraction came (~every 3 minutes). At around 9:00 pm I was admitted and in the most pain in my life. There was no question in my mind that I would not be able to make it to 10 cm at this level of pain, so I asked for an epidural … but of course just my luck, there was a wait time. I know this will sound dramatic, but I’m confident that anyone who has been here understands that getting relief (epidural) feels like a life or death. While waiting for it, I went into panic mode. Could I sit still long enough for them to place the epidural? I used to be so afraid of feeling the catheter being placed or even worse, if it was misplaced, but in that moment, I had zero fears. My only focus was controlling my pain. Two very long hours later, the anesthesiology resident arrived to place my epidural (11:00 pm). I was 6 cm at the time. By 11:30 pm I was pain-free. Our nurse turned the lights down and encouraged us to get some rest, but I couldn't sleep knowing I would be meeting my daughter soon! I spent the next few hours watching my baby’s heart monitor and processing everything that just happened.
At 2:30 am, I was 10 cm and hadn’t felt a thing (props to my anesthesiologist! My body responded v well to the epidural). The mood in our room was calm, we had the diffuser going, Russell was sleeping and I was just hanging out waiting for further instructions. Our nurse suggested we give it another hour or so before we start pushing to see if I would start to feel contractions. She checked in on me at 3:30 am to let me know she’s taking a quick break and would let the doctor know that we would be ready soon. Shortly after, another nurse stopped by to check on me and showed me how to practice pushing. Moments later baby’s heart rate started to decelerate, so the nurse called the doctor to come immediately.
Suddenly, all the lights turned on and the room filled with a team of new faces quickly setting up medical equipment. Russell describes the scene like a nascar pit stop… it all happened so fast! Aside from avoiding a c-section, one of the more important requests on my birth plan was delayed cord clamping. I asked the nurse if she might relay my request to the doctor. She explained that it may not be possible if this becomes a medical emergency and baby needs to be taken right away after delivery. My heart sank. “Of course,” I agreed and in that moment I prayed. The on-call doctor ran in and without any introduction looked me dead in the eyes and said “I will get your baby out”. We had gone from calm to chaos in a matter of minutes, and his reassurance was everything I needed at that moment. He asked for consent to use forceps to get baby out and if medically necessary, then we would go to emergency c-section. Fear passed through me as I continued to breathe and connect with my baby to help her out. I still did not feeling a damn thing, so I relied on muscle memory to engage my pelvic floor, channeled all my energy down to baby and synced my breath with each push. After the third push, the doctor hands me my baby to then hold her on my chest for skin-to-skin. I will never forget this moment I met my daughter and officially became a mother. I couldn't feel more connected to life. In the midst of all the bliss, our nurse taps me on the shoulder to let me know the doctor will delay cord clamping until it stops pulsing just as I requested. This completely caught me off-guard. I was overwhelmed with gratitude for her and the doctor honoring my wish, especially given how quickly the event transpired. When it was time to cut the cord, the doctor first asked my husband but he declined (weak stomach lol) so he then asked me to do the honors which I was totally not expecting. Without hesitation, I said “absolutely, let’s set my baby free!”
I was surprised how quickly the second stage of labor went considering I had an epidural and it was my first time. One of the reasons I didn’t jump to getting an epidural was because I didn’t want to chance prolonging active labor and delivery. I had always imagined the second stage being the most intense, painful part of labor, but on the contrary, the worst part for me was earlier on in the laboring process. All this to say that I remained detached from too many specific outcomes and focused on my breath, what my body needed, being in the moment with my baby, voicing my personal wishes, and trusting my medical team. I walked away (well wheelchaired away- the epidural last a while) from my first birth experience grateful, proud, and without regrets.
If you’ve made it this far, god bless your heart. I hope something rang true to you. I would love to hear your thoughts and your experiences if you’re open to sharing.
